Fashion most extraordinary.

I have to admit I hate piercings. Ears I can tolerate unless there’s a chasm in the lobe as wide as the Gotthard tunnel through the Swiss Alps, A neat stud in the nose – I can also tolerate . Fine, until you go swimming when it turns into the Trevi fountain in Rome. But tongues, lips and eyebrows turn the wearer into an advertisement for Edward Scissorhands. Let’s be honest, nose rings either look like ossified bogeys or something that should have 4 legs, stand in a field, eat grass and bellow.

We are always reciting don’t judge a book by its cover – but hey, sit me opposite a bloke covered in piercings and tattoos and I make a judgement – rarely complimentary.

Okay, so it’s prejudice pure and simple. We all have our pet peeves and the chap is probably an absolutely super guy. But be honest – he isn’t making the best of himself. And, besides ringing all the bells at Heathrow security, he’ll never get a girlfriend. Blokes should be like that advertisement for Brita water. Pure and simple with no additives.

And while I’m having a moan ... Young guys should be dragged into a shop and forced to inspect their rear in those stupid trousers with crotches level with their knees. Besides dislocating their hips and making them slurp along the street, they look as if they’re wearing a nappy.  I feel like starting a campaign. Bring back real bottoms.

Visit my website Barbara Spencer.

Check out my facebook page Barbara Spencer on Facebook.