My latest love affair

I have a new love in my life - no it's not a man. Its railways! Okay, so perhaps railways and men have some similarities. Neither are totally dependable. Frequently, they arrive late and the slightest bit of cold weather and they can't get started in the morning. But unlike men, trains are rarely short tempered, in fact train managers behave with great chivalry and cheerfulness. And trains go pretty much everywhere these days whereas you often have trouble getting the man in your life to even go to the supermarket. And can men introduce you to an amazing kaleidoscope of new people, new places and new scenery? You'd need to change your lover weekly to get the changes in scenery that railways can offer. Usually with men it's same-oh same-oh, and where's my dinner? Of course, Reading's a mess, bitterly cold and nowhere to sit, and the ladies loo at Paddington remains a disgrace even though they have rebuilt most of it. But St Pancras is divine. It's an amazing feeling when, ticket in hand, you arrive at the station and find the train waiting ready to board. You definitely can't do that with a man.

On the downside, if you're waiting at Reading, do keep your eyes peeled on platform 7. Trains arriving there have a nasty habit of leaving behind passengers who are sheltering from the wind and don't hear it arrive. Hmm - that is definitely not like a man - you always know when they arrive!

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Aliens have landed

You know those stories about UFO's - doesn't it seem strange that since the turn of this century they've all disappeared. No longer do seriously intuitive people see their ships criss-crossing the sky at night like the tail-end of a comet. If I was a believing man, I might say - they've gone because they've completed their mission.


Next time you see kids in the street - take a good hard look. They're most likely aliens in disguise. Nothing else can account for the ease with which they manipulate technology. Take my granddaughter! She walked into my house last Sunday and proceeded to grab a bunch of wires and connect my radio to my cd system - which by the way I've had for at least 7 years without being able to use it - and get it working perfectly in 2 seconds flat.

Logic says that's not normal. I'm normal. She has to be a supreme being - in other words an alien. People like me can't possibly be alien - we are definitely earthbound humans. How do you tell? I would have needed at least a half hour, plus specs, magnifying glass, dictionary, instruction,s and a large glass of wine before I could make it work.

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So what is life!

Promotion, promotion, promotion ... I'm supposed to be a writer and writers write - well they did last time I looked. I don't get time to write, what between tweeting and blogging and wishing someone a happy birthday on Facebook. I'm sure Ernest Hemingway never had this problem. If I remember correctly he swanned off to a new country, dranks pots of the local vino, and dashed-off a book. The only thing I dash off is yet another email to my publisher asking what font they used on the cover of A Fishy Tail.

This computer age is missing out - big time.We had this poem when I was a kid. 'What is life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare. No time to stand beneath the bows and stare as long as sheep and cows.'

Does anyone today ever stand and do absolutely nothing but look about them? I wonder. Answers on a postcard please!

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To be ... beautiful or not to be ... beautiful

Samantha Brick's article in the Daily Mail, about woman disliking her for being so beautiful while airline pilots send her champagne, is a delight. Although no longer young, I was once mixing with princes, prime ministers, world-famous sportsmen, films start, and not a few beautiful woman, including the 1970 Miss World, Jennifer Hosten.

What strata of society does Samantha move in, where women are so jealous of her beauty they dislike her on sight? Definitely not top drawer. Beautiful women - and I emphasise the world beautiful - in my experience are as lovely on the inside as the out. If it is just the outer skin, people rarely find them beautiful and then they cold-shoulder them. I do hope that's not the reason why Samantha find herself out in the cold.

 To give her the benefit of the doubt, either she is writing the article tongue in cheek or she is seeking publicity - and that she has got in spades. I congratulate her on a job well-done.

Note to self:  But what if she really believes this. No way. Nice looking she is, but no show-stopper. I have seen women walk into a room and reduce it to total silence. Would Samantha even be noticed? 

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